Adventures in Ambien: Fruit-Stacking and Bunnies

4 May
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Fruit-stacking by author Barth Anderson

I stack fruit when I’m on ambien.

I don’t remember stacking the fruit but stack this fruit I did.

There’s more. So much more than fruit-stacking. I cannot tell a lie. I did more than stack fruit.

The fact is that my children don’t like to eat anything animal-shaped so there was an entire chocolate bunny rabbit sitting helplessly in the refrigerator from Easter several weeks ago, when my children refused to eat it, indeed, bursting into tears — both children — at the mere thought of it, the hellish conflict they felt between their compassion for adorable little animals and the delight they feel upon receiving two whole pounds of Fair Trade, organic, gourmet milk chocolate.

I’m not sure where they get that compassion, because once safely swinging in the hammock of my ambien, their loving father suffered no such hellish conflict about the bunny. In fact, according to the evidence, he apparently went at it with a big serrated knife (Exhibit A: chocolate shavings all over the kitchen counter, the floor, my pants, one of the dogs) and starting with the face ate nearly all of the poor little defenseless bunny in one fell swoop, with only its cute little feet remaining in a crinkly bag the next morning like so many ejected owl-pellets.

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But hey. Nice fruit-stacking, right?

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